I have never been someone to hold back in relationships. I am pretty transparent, don't mind sharing pretty much anything with a friend. I figure, if I am going to invest the time, I am going to do it all the way.
We have moved several times. I think this is our fifth ministry since we met? There have been great things about moving. New opportunities, new "cultures", new churches, new friends. And some of the friendships I have made, I will have for the rest of my life. They are deep, truth-filled, life-changing friendships.
But there is this struggle inside of me at the same time. I am a bit of a home-body. I like to be with Bobby and the kids all the time! And so what that has done, is caused me to form good friendships with wives of Bobby's friends or with women involved in his ministries. Which, actually, works really well, because it almost guarantees that we have a bunch in common and makes the whole beginning stages of the friendship pretty comfortable!
But since high school, I haven't had a real "group" of friends that I identified myself with. The "gang" I ran around with, hung out with; the people other people would know as my friends. And in high school , my friends were my life. It has been a whole I longed to fill for years. Not a huge deal because I had Bobby and a few other really good friends. But feeling like you belong to a small community was something I hadn't experienced in years. I think what makes it worse, is that all of our extended family lives far away. This Jackson family has always been on their own! And while it is a quiet prayer of mine that that won't always be the case, it has been a dynamic of life I have had to learn to adjust to.
Until recently. Bobby and I have found a group of friends that is indescribable. Months ago, we began meeting as a small group in our home every other week. Over the summer, we decided to meet every week and then in the fall couldn't handle going back to every other week and now the seven families get together for dinner, fellowship, and study of the word. The conversations during dinner and study) are often times life changing and rich. The connection that we all shared immediately was amazing, and no doubt from God. We all share life with each other. I find myself feeling like I belong to an awesome group of friends again! It really is like having this huge family all the time!
So why do I say all this? Well, today I find myself really struggling with the end of another friendship. I had invested lots of time and heart (both of my own and my families') into this relationship. I knew it was coming to an end and have just been in denial, I guess. And there are so many layers with kids; kids that are friends with their kids wanting to know where they are, why aren't they coming, why aren't we going. I know it's all part of life. That just doesn't ease the pain of the end of a friendship.
But what does help is the Spirit bringing to mind the amazing ways that God has blessed me in the area of friendships lately. I thought my friend and I would be long-time deep friends. And while I was grieving the loss of this friendship (and I still am), God was busy with a desire of my heart!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Through Him or Through Me
Bobby and I joke a lot about our gifts and the way God uses us.
We both lead worship.
We both teach (preach) on Sunday morning.
We both do a good bit of "counseling".
Today I was working on tomorrow's message and like always, I was talking it trough with him, asking his advice about things I was planning to teach and share. He made some joke about me being on a higher plane then him because I teach more often than he (which honestly is just not true!) And maybe I should call someone more worthy like the other teachers at our church. I reminded him that even if that was true, he is the one with whom I talk things through, ask for advice, and pre-teach the message to. He smiled and said, "Yeah, your just a prettier way to get my ideas out!"
We laughed and said how as long as it communicated God's message, who cared if He used the prettier method!
But it is so true. We do ministry together in many ways that I understand aren't typical. I feel truly blessed that we get to share our callings as much as we do. It leaves the door wide open to competition though.
And I am pretty competitive! But with my husband? In ministry? Not even an option. I am thrilled that God's work is being done through him and on another day through me, sometimes in very similar ways. The day I am jealous of my husbands gifts or he is jealous of mine would be a sad day for our marriage.
That we get to serve God side by side and help each other, encourage each other, understand each other's experiences and struggles is an awesome thing.
We both lead worship.
We both teach (preach) on Sunday morning.
We both do a good bit of "counseling".
Today I was working on tomorrow's message and like always, I was talking it trough with him, asking his advice about things I was planning to teach and share. He made some joke about me being on a higher plane then him because I teach more often than he (which honestly is just not true!) And maybe I should call someone more worthy like the other teachers at our church. I reminded him that even if that was true, he is the one with whom I talk things through, ask for advice, and pre-teach the message to. He smiled and said, "Yeah, your just a prettier way to get my ideas out!"
We laughed and said how as long as it communicated God's message, who cared if He used the prettier method!
But it is so true. We do ministry together in many ways that I understand aren't typical. I feel truly blessed that we get to share our callings as much as we do. It leaves the door wide open to competition though.
And I am pretty competitive! But with my husband? In ministry? Not even an option. I am thrilled that God's work is being done through him and on another day through me, sometimes in very similar ways. The day I am jealous of my husbands gifts or he is jealous of mine would be a sad day for our marriage.
That we get to serve God side by side and help each other, encourage each other, understand each other's experiences and struggles is an awesome thing.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Making It Work
I imagine finding a balance between work and family is hard for men. I hear lots of women talk about how their husbands work too much, are hardly ever home, and even when they are, their mind is still at work.
I think for wives of ministers, there is another element to that struggle. I don't feel good about complaining that Bobby has been putting in long hours, because I know that what he is doing is changing lives. (And that's not to say other careers don't change lives, actually, I think most of this applies to any marriage.)
I have to honestly say that this has never really been a struggle for Bobby and me. And believe me, Bobby is a busy guy! He puts in long hours that turn into long days, that become long weeks.... You get the picture. I think we have done a few things to help with the whole balance struggle and I thought I would share them with you.
1. Ministry is our life. It just always has been. And we have been fortunate enough that our talents and gifts are very complimentary. When we began having kids, though, we had to be creative. Now that we have four kids, I am not as hands on in his ministry as I once was. But I still feel super connected. Instead of serving on the worship team every week, I serve once a month. That was a hard transition! But we have found other ways for me to be involved. We host meetings at our house. That way, I get to attend and I get the connect with all the volunteers he works with. Practical things like that.
2. Our kids are involved in our ministries. (Well they are all under 7, so as much as they can be, they are involved!) We have each taken the older two with us on home communion trips and even hospital calls when it is appropriate. I just don't think they are ever to young to learn that ministry or serving isn't just something we do, it is who we are. I'm hoping this will do a couple things. I want my kids to grow up thinking they are so blessed to have a daddy that gets paid to serve God! And I want them to grow up always thinking of ways they can serve too.
3. But really, I think this is what makes it work the most for Bobby and me: Bobby would leave this ministry in a second if he thought our family would be better, our marriage would be better; and I would never ask. Understand, our idea of "better" has to do with being more like Christ and closer to God. Not just spending more time with each other and having a more consistent schedule.
I know this is a bit cyclical, but part of the reason he would do it in a second is because he knows I would never ask. And part of the reason I would never ask is because I know he would do it in a second.
Bobby and I share a mutual respect and love of the ministry. We share a mutual respect and love for each other. This is not only what makes it possible for us to do the work we do, but it's what makes it absolutely enjoyable! I couldn't imagine our life any other way.
I think for wives of ministers, there is another element to that struggle. I don't feel good about complaining that Bobby has been putting in long hours, because I know that what he is doing is changing lives. (And that's not to say other careers don't change lives, actually, I think most of this applies to any marriage.)
I have to honestly say that this has never really been a struggle for Bobby and me. And believe me, Bobby is a busy guy! He puts in long hours that turn into long days, that become long weeks.... You get the picture. I think we have done a few things to help with the whole balance struggle and I thought I would share them with you.
1. Ministry is our life. It just always has been. And we have been fortunate enough that our talents and gifts are very complimentary. When we began having kids, though, we had to be creative. Now that we have four kids, I am not as hands on in his ministry as I once was. But I still feel super connected. Instead of serving on the worship team every week, I serve once a month. That was a hard transition! But we have found other ways for me to be involved. We host meetings at our house. That way, I get to attend and I get the connect with all the volunteers he works with. Practical things like that.
2. Our kids are involved in our ministries. (Well they are all under 7, so as much as they can be, they are involved!) We have each taken the older two with us on home communion trips and even hospital calls when it is appropriate. I just don't think they are ever to young to learn that ministry or serving isn't just something we do, it is who we are. I'm hoping this will do a couple things. I want my kids to grow up thinking they are so blessed to have a daddy that gets paid to serve God! And I want them to grow up always thinking of ways they can serve too.
3. But really, I think this is what makes it work the most for Bobby and me: Bobby would leave this ministry in a second if he thought our family would be better, our marriage would be better; and I would never ask. Understand, our idea of "better" has to do with being more like Christ and closer to God. Not just spending more time with each other and having a more consistent schedule.
I know this is a bit cyclical, but part of the reason he would do it in a second is because he knows I would never ask. And part of the reason I would never ask is because I know he would do it in a second.
Bobby and I share a mutual respect and love of the ministry. We share a mutual respect and love for each other. This is not only what makes it possible for us to do the work we do, but it's what makes it absolutely enjoyable! I couldn't imagine our life any other way.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
When He Does that Thing He Does
I love being led in worship by my husband. I serve on the worship team with him, and get to lead with him often, but sitting with the congregation while he is leading worship is an amazing experience.
I was overwhelmed today with the blessing that is.
I am so proud that I can say my husband leads others in true authentic worship. That is one of his heart's desires. And its his job! When he isn't with me or the kids, he is working to change lives in a very eternal way! How awesome is that?! It's always been difficult for me to complain when he needs to put in long hours or we cancel another date to help a friend, or even someone I've never met!
My heart is never as full as when I watch him lead worship. It was one of those things that he was created to do. To be a part of that is a pure blessing.
I told him as soon as I could.
I was overwhelmed today with the blessing that is.
I am so proud that I can say my husband leads others in true authentic worship. That is one of his heart's desires. And its his job! When he isn't with me or the kids, he is working to change lives in a very eternal way! How awesome is that?! It's always been difficult for me to complain when he needs to put in long hours or we cancel another date to help a friend, or even someone I've never met!
My heart is never as full as when I watch him lead worship. It was one of those things that he was created to do. To be a part of that is a pure blessing.
I told him as soon as I could.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Waiting
I am sitting here in our bed watching the nightly news and wondering when Bobby will make it home from worship team rehearsal tonight. I thought this was a perfect time to begin this blog! Thursday nights are often a nice time for me to regroup and collect my thoughts from the week and get ready for the next week. Actually, Thursdays are the long day of the week for Bobby. Out of the house before Mia goes to school and at the office until 10:30/11:00. He should be home soon... can't wait!
We have been married for 11 years (last week!) We have been together a little over 13 years. And we have been doing ministry together even longer. Currently, Bobby is the Worship/Creative Arts and Cultivate Pastor at our church.
I've got four kids under the age of six. I am crazy involved in life with our church. And I promise I am struggling with normal (and sometimes I feel, abnormal) mom/wife issues just like any other woman. But I feel blessed to live life as a minister's wife. Totally blessed.
Life married to a minister has so much... potential. I'll leave it at potential because I have seen so many minister's wives do so many different things with their marriage. But the potential for something absolutely amazing to happen between two devoted Christ-followers for the kingdom is there.
So I tried a blog at the beginning of the year and just couldn't focus my thoughts. I have opinions and thoughts about everything! And really, I could talk about my kids all day. But being married to a minister? Who writes about that? Well, apparently now I do! We'll see how this goes.
I just heard the car door shut in the driveway! This is what I have been waiting for all day!
We have been married for 11 years (last week!) We have been together a little over 13 years. And we have been doing ministry together even longer. Currently, Bobby is the Worship/Creative Arts and Cultivate Pastor at our church.
I've got four kids under the age of six. I am crazy involved in life with our church. And I promise I am struggling with normal (and sometimes I feel, abnormal) mom/wife issues just like any other woman. But I feel blessed to live life as a minister's wife. Totally blessed.
Life married to a minister has so much... potential. I'll leave it at potential because I have seen so many minister's wives do so many different things with their marriage. But the potential for something absolutely amazing to happen between two devoted Christ-followers for the kingdom is there.
So I tried a blog at the beginning of the year and just couldn't focus my thoughts. I have opinions and thoughts about everything! And really, I could talk about my kids all day. But being married to a minister? Who writes about that? Well, apparently now I do! We'll see how this goes.
I just heard the car door shut in the driveway! This is what I have been waiting for all day!
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