Cloudy with a Chance of Tears

Have you ever had one of those days? Like when it's rainy, overcast, and rumbling thunder every once in a while and that's exactly how you feel? That was yesterday. I could feel it coming. I could feel it a couple weeks ago. I was running on near empty, coming up on Easter week and wondering how in the world I was going to survive.
I was empty. Every part of me. I get so busy talking care of everything and everyone that I run until I'm dry and then I crash. It's a horrible pattern, but one I find myself in so often.
And who bears the brunt of my emptiness? Bobby and the kids.
I get in this passive aggressive mood and rather than tell him how I am feeling, I get mad at him. I pout around the house and act like it's his fault that I am feeling the way I am. When I actually say that out loud (or type it, i guess!) I can't believe how ridiculous I sound!
And it's really all about fear. We've been together 13 years and I am still afraid of what will happen when I tell him how I feel! Will he be mad that I yelled at the kids? Will he be disappointed that I have these feelings about life?
But this time it was different. I was afraid that he would try to fix me. I didn't want to be fixed! I wanted to be loved on!
When he finally pulled it out of me, as painful and awkward as it was, I just told him I didn't want to be fixed. And it was so painful for him to hold back and not offer solutions. But he did exactly what I asked. And after that dumb long cry that comes from no where and everywhere all at the same time, I felt better.
It's such a dance, isn't it. I want him to know how to respond. He wants to take care of me and solve my problems. I get mad because he can't read my mind. He gets tired of my passive aggressiveness. And while it does totally take the romance out of things when I have to tell him exactly what I want, if I want it to happen I just have to tell him.
Ugh. So much work sometimes. But absolutely worth it.